Miracles.....

I think that Marilyn Monroe said it best when she said this quote……“I believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” I can give you the perfect example. My little Marshall turned a year old exactly one month from today.

In between Jaylee and Marshall we were pregnant with another child. Two years ago, the day before Valentine’s Day, we found out that we lost our baby to a miscarriage. I never thought that I would ever see Valentine’s Day the same again ever. I knew that it would always be a constant

reminder of what happened.

Then we had ourselves…..a little miracle. Three months later we got pregnant again. Our little (well not so little) Marshall Thomas was born the day after Valentine’s Day. He was born almost exactly 1 year after we lost our baby. He was born on his due date at 12:13 a.m. If he came 13 minutes earlier he would have been born on Valentine’s Day. That is our miracle.

Isn’t that so amazing? Now we associate Valentine’s Day with his birthday. Don’t get me wrong, we will always think about the baby that we lost. And we will never forget what happened. But it puts it into a whole different light.


The thought occurred to me the other day, like it often does, that my kids are not going to be this age forever. I sometimes hug Marshall so tight and ask him to stay this age forever. It makes me feel so happy to see both of my kids changing and developing with each and every step. But the feeling is bitter sweet. I know that before I know it they will be off on their own starting their own lives. I know that will be great too, but it just seems so strange to me.



So this is our own personal little miracle.



Peace and love......

A trip to the dentist and other adventures…

She was armed with an elmo bucket full of bouncy balls. I walked down the stairs, swiffer in hand, minding my own business. She came out of nowhere yelling, “You will never win monster!” She warned me, but I didn’t listen. I chuckled and began to swiffer the floor, not knowing how serious she really was. I then became showered in an ammunition of bouncy balls.

True story. That really happened. It was one of the moments that I love and will never forget. Just like when Jaylee pushed Marshall’s highchair up to the back door to show him the outside. Then they played peek a boo through the curtain.

Today was Jaylee’s first trip to the dentist. She was an angel. She watched me get my teeth cleaned. When it was her turn she hopped right into the chair no problem! She opened her mouth all wide and said “Ahhhhhhhh”. She didn’t shed a tear. She looked like a little girl in that chair. I realized that she isn’t my baby anymore. She is almost 3 years old, and it has gone by so fast.

I tell you what I couldn’t imagine my life without these kids. They are so stinkin’ cute and so hilarious. Yes it is hard, and yes I am so tired. But I have never been happier. Without my little family, I don’t think I could have made it through these challenging times. Life is hard, but life is so so good.

Peace and love......

Remember to be nice......

There is nothing better than New York snow. Jaylee sure got a white Christmas that’s for sure. She loved it. She was asleep in the truck on the long 6 hour drive from West Virginia to New York. When she fell asleep the ground was brown outside. When she woke up, the ground was covered in a white blanket of fluffy, cold snow. Her eyes were huge. It was like she saw something magical happen. Even Woody our dog couldn’t wait to get outside and play in it.

Marshall even seemed excited about the snow. When it was snowing out he would open his mouth and try to catch snowflakes. He seemed to like the cold on his face.

I can’t believe that Marshall is going to be a year old already next month. He is pulling himself up on his feet. He’s traveling across furniture and walls. He looks up at you with this look and you can tell that he is proud of himself.

I think ahead to the future. What will Jaylee and Marshall be like as teenagers? I picture Jaylee storming up the stairs and slamming her door. Sassing back and never getting off of the phone. I picture Marshall listening to his headphones too loud. Coming home past his curfew and not finishing his homework.


What will they be like as adults? I can feel in my heart that they are going to do good things in this life. But I guess every mother likes to think that right? I look at them and I can already see that they are pretty cool people. I hope that we can instill good things in them. There are so many people on this planet that are just, not nice.


Lately it seems, in my experience anyways, that there are a lot of people in this world that are so unhappy that they want to make everyone around them unhappy as well. Why? What happened to being kind? Over the past few months I have had a little bit of bad luck with people. I couldn’t figure out why. But now I think I figured it out. I think that was the universes way of validating something for me. I now know how important it is to instill good values in my children.

Don’t get me wrong. I have lost friends. I have met people who have been terribly unfair and unkind to me. But I have gained a lot more. Because of these things, I have gained new friends. I saw how much the family and friends that I already have really do care about me. Everything happens for a reason and that has been proven to me over the past month or so.

So I guess the moral of the story is….
Just be nice.

Peace and love.

Christmas Chaos

There is something so magical about the month leading up to Christmas. This is one of my favorite times of the year. And it is even better now that Jaylee is really getting into it. She is so into it this year. When we put up the tree she was so excited. Every morning when she wakes up, she asks if she can go downstairs and see the Christmas tree.

It brings me back to my childhood. I remember feeling the excitement of driving somewhere and seeing Christmas lights, and quick glimpses of Christmas trees in windows. The smell of newly baked Christmas cookies covered in sprinkles; presents under the tree with big bows and shiny paper. It was almost unbearable to have to wait another day.

I can’t wait to see and hear her on Christmas morning. Marshall won’t know what is going on, but I know he will have fun tearing up wrapping paper and pounding on boxes. Oh, and the food. He will love the food. Family, friends and everything in between. It really doesn't get any better than this.

I am so blessed to have who I have in my life. My family and friends…I couldn’t ask for anything more. That is what is most important after all. The gifts are fun, but they really don’t matter. I think that a lot of people lose sight of that.

So keep that in mind when that lady runs you over with a stroller in the mall. Or when some guy cuts you off in your car. Laugh it off and say to yourself.....I love the holidays. It brings out the best, but also the worst in people.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Peace and Love.....

Limbo land sucks

There are no pictures in this entry. I couldn't find one to go with the theme. And I wouldn't want one to go with the theme. I'm not a negative person, by any means. But something is weighing me down, and I need to get it off of my chest.

I first started noticing the numbness and tingling in my right hand about a month or so ago. My Dr and I came to the conclusion that it was just a simple case of carpal tunnel syndrome. I wish I could be that lucky. For the past month my symptoms have brought me down hard. I am starting to get used to that pins and needles sensation in my fingers and toes. My feet feel like they are ice blocks that weigh 500 lbs! The weakness and pain in my hands and arms are becoming routine. I have started using my middle fingers and pinky fingers instead of my index fingers for the most part now. My neck is constantly stiff and a little sore. My new symptom of the day is my lips and the tip of my tongue are slightly numb. The weirdest part is that it isn't constant. It comes and goes throughout the day. The only constant thing is the loss of sensation and pain in my hands. They are always weak, but sometimes they get weaker.

My whole perception changed that night in the ER when the Dr mentioned two letters to me that could and may change my life completely. MS. This is my limbo right now. The waiting game begins. As all of my other test results slowly come back negative, all that is left is MS. I am still waiting on my Lyme Disease test and my Rheumatoid arthritis test. I never thought I would hope to have one of those diseases. Right now I would rather have one of those instead of MS....I think.

I feel like I am going crazy. Everyday I try to convince myself that all of this is my imagination getting away from me. But then I can't pull a diaper out of a pack, or pulling up Jaylee's pants was almost impossible. But every week something new happens.

One thing is for sure, I still have my babies to take care of. I still have my life to live. We will figure this out, and we will get through this....whatever this is. The hardest part is trying to keep a straight head. I am trying to not think about it too much so that I can be normal and happy. I won't let it bring me down.

So now that I vented, I feel a little better. All I ask from my friends and family is for a little prayer here and there. Good or bad, this will all pass I am sure.
Thanks for listening.

Peace and love.....