Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Christmas Chaos

There is something so magical about the month leading up to Christmas. This is one of my favorite times of the year. And it is even better now that Jaylee is really getting into it. She is so into it this year. When we put up the tree she was so excited. Every morning when she wakes up, she asks if she can go downstairs and see the Christmas tree.

It brings me back to my childhood. I remember feeling the excitement of driving somewhere and seeing Christmas lights, and quick glimpses of Christmas trees in windows. The smell of newly baked Christmas cookies covered in sprinkles; presents under the tree with big bows and shiny paper. It was almost unbearable to have to wait another day.

I can’t wait to see and hear her on Christmas morning. Marshall won’t know what is going on, but I know he will have fun tearing up wrapping paper and pounding on boxes. Oh, and the food. He will love the food. Family, friends and everything in between. It really doesn't get any better than this.

I am so blessed to have who I have in my life. My family and friends…I couldn’t ask for anything more. That is what is most important after all. The gifts are fun, but they really don’t matter. I think that a lot of people lose sight of that.

So keep that in mind when that lady runs you over with a stroller in the mall. Or when some guy cuts you off in your car. Laugh it off and say to yourself.....I love the holidays. It brings out the best, but also the worst in people.

Happy Holidays everyone!
Peace and Love.....

Monday, December 8, 2008

Limbo land sucks

There are no pictures in this entry. I couldn't find one to go with the theme. And I wouldn't want one to go with the theme. I'm not a negative person, by any means. But something is weighing me down, and I need to get it off of my chest.

I first started noticing the numbness and tingling in my right hand about a month or so ago. My Dr and I came to the conclusion that it was just a simple case of carpal tunnel syndrome. I wish I could be that lucky. For the past month my symptoms have brought me down hard. I am starting to get used to that pins and needles sensation in my fingers and toes. My feet feel like they are ice blocks that weigh 500 lbs! The weakness and pain in my hands and arms are becoming routine. I have started using my middle fingers and pinky fingers instead of my index fingers for the most part now. My neck is constantly stiff and a little sore. My new symptom of the day is my lips and the tip of my tongue are slightly numb. The weirdest part is that it isn't constant. It comes and goes throughout the day. The only constant thing is the loss of sensation and pain in my hands. They are always weak, but sometimes they get weaker.
My whole perception changed that night in the ER when the Dr mentioned two letters to me that could and may change my life completely. MS. This is my limbo right now. The waiting game begins. As all of my other test results slowly come back negative, all that is left is MS. I am still waiting on my Lyme Disease test and my Rheumatoid arthritis test. I never thought I would hope to have one of those diseases. Right now I would rather have one of those instead of MS....I think.
I feel like I am going crazy. Everyday I try to convince myself that all of this is my imagination getting away from me. But then I can't pull a diaper out of a pack, or pulling up Jaylee's pants was almost impossible. But every week something new happens.
One thing is for sure, I still have my babies to take care of. I still have my life to live. We will figure this out, and we will get through this....whatever this is. The hardest part is trying to keep a straight head. I am trying to not think about it too much so that I can be normal and happy. I won't let it bring me down.
So now that I vented, I feel a little better. All I ask from my friends and family is for a little prayer here and there. Good or bad, this will all pass I am sure.
Thanks for listening.
Peace and love.....