As I reflect on 2013 my first thought is that it was the absolute worst year for us. Our business, my husbands career, our finances, our security all took a BIG turn for the worse. I won’t bore you with the details, most of you know. It was a very sad and stressful year.
Because of this we had a major role reversal. I returned to work at the Veterinary Hospital. Russ stays home with the kiddos. It has been a really hard adjustment for me, as for him. I have dedicated the last 7 years of my life to being a stay at home Mom. Something that I was really proud of, I still am. The kids would always run to me first, I felt needed and wanted. As hard as it was to give up my career, I loved every moment of it.
When I first went back to work, the kids adjusted with no problems. Which I have to say made me happy, but made me wonder, do they even miss me? Hearing them run to Russ before me, kinda broke my heart. Missing out on dance classes, school functions and some of Sawyer’s firsts really broke my heart. But I knew we didn’t have a choice. It was time for me to step up to the plate and do what I had to do to help out. As I wallowed in my self pity, I realized something.
I realized that the kids handled this adjustment so well because Russ is a wonderful father. They feel just as safe, comfortable and happy with him, as they do with me. I realized that I missed working. I forgot how much I love working with people and their pets. I realized how much of myself that I lost when I became a Mom. I had lost myself and didn't even realize it.
I realized how much I took what I had for granted. I realized how Russ must have felt missing out on all of those things when he was working. He missed the first steps, the first words. He came home to see the kids run to me before him. He missed out on the little school functions. So I came to terms that with everything Russ has been through this year with his career struggles, he deserves this.
As I reflect on 2013, I also see how much I have accomplished. I have been going to the gym, taking fitness classes and working out for well over a year now. I have walked in 2 Susan G Komen 60 mile walks, I have ran in 2 5k’s, and 1 5K mud run. I have lost well over 40 lbs and am down 3 pant sizes! I started back packing again, which is something I gave up once I had kids.
So I have to say that as stressful and sad as this year has been for me, instead of dwelling on that sadness, I put that energy into something else. I finally realized that I can do it all. I can be a Mom, I can take care of our little farm, I can MAKE time to exercise and backpack. No excuses, no feeling sorry for myself.
Life is like the ocean, you need to ride out the waves. Sometimes the ocean is calm and beautiful, other times it is stormy and rough. Neither last forever. It always changes. Life has shown me who my friends are. Life has shown me who really cares about us. Life has brought us family who has helped us thru these tough times and I am forever grateful.
I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Russ and I are stronger now then ever before, and I know that wouldn't be the case if this didn't happen. We are living in the others shoes, so it makes us fully appreciate and respect each other a little bit more then before. I feel like we passed the biggest test that life could throw at us, and I wouldn't change it.
Peace and love.....