Monday, November 30, 2009

When life throws you lemons, make lemonade!

I have a lot to be thankful for this year. I haven't blogged in a really long time. It's been a really tough year for me, and I guess it affected me more than what I thought.

I have had some health problems over the past year. I've been examined, poked and tested by doctors who still can't tell me what is wrong. All they know is that I have some sort of auto immune disease, but they can't say for sure which one.

My Grandmother died of cancer this summer. When I first found out that she only had 6 months to live, it was so strange. I remember going home to visit her around that time and I didn't know how to act or what to say at first. What do you say to someone you love when they know that they only have 6 months to live. I live 6 hours away from home, so I would go up there every 3 weeks or so to visit while she was sick. Every time she was weaker and weaker. It was so hard. It was a blessing to know we only had limited time with her. Things were said and talked about, that wouldn't have been said if we didn't know she was dying. They were things that we both knew in our hearts, but were never spoken out loud before. Life is forever changed without her here.

Don't get me wrong, things have been hard, but some really wonderful things have happened

Marshall is walking and talking now. He is such a shy, sweet little boy. He is also the typical boy who likes to beat on things and play in the dirt.

He has this smile that warms my heart. And a belly laugh that is contagious.

He loves to dance to the sound of music, and he bobs his head to the beat.
He refers to all birds as "quack quacks". I love it!

And then there is Jaylee. She is so smart and observant. She needs to know how things work in detail, and always asks questions. She actually asked me today where she was before she "got into" my belly. I told her that she came from heaven, that she was a gift from the angels.

She is a free spirit. She is beautiful and kind. She looks out for her brother and worries about him. But she also partakes in teasing him and pushing him to his limits.

Marshall is like Jaylee's little sidekick. I love this picture of them. Jaylee was trying on her life jacket swimsuit for the first time. She put on her sunglasses and stated that she was an astronaut. She looked like a preschooler super hero with her diaper wearing sidekick by her side.

Russ and I got an opportunity of a lifetime. We purchased an independent, compounding pharmacy. It was his lifetime dream, and it came true for him. I went from being a full time stay at home mommy, to a part time working mommy. I work a few days a week managing our store. Something that I never thought I could do. We have our own family business, and the kids have become store mascots. I felt so guilty leaving them, until I saw how much they were thriving and loving it.

Without Russ and these beautiful kids in my life, I don't know where I would be right now. I couldn't have handled all of this without them in my life. I am so blessed and thankful to have wonderful family and friends in my life right now. I have a strong support system and I am so grateful.

The kids keep me going. I am determined not to let the physical pain and weakness bring me down. It will only make me stronger. It's only another challenge to keep me on my toes.

M.S. or no M.S. things will be ok. Whatever is going on with me, will get better. I can deal with the pain, numbness, tingling, the double vision, the seconds that my vision goes black, and the days where my hands don't work right. Things could always be worse. I have learned that when my body isn't holding up well, that I have to rest. The laundry can wait. If I give my body a day of rest then it works a lot better the next day. There are times when you have to put yourself first.

Life is a test and things are thrown at you that aren't fun. If you manage to see the positive in everything, even when things are hard then you are passing the test. Even through the grey areas good things always seem to find us.

Good and bad I am thankful for everything. Everything happens for a reason. If I can get through this, I can do anything.

Peace and love......