Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Christmas Chaos

There is something so magical about the month leading up to Christmas. This is one of my favorite times of the year. And it is even better now that Jaylee is really getting into it. She is so into it this year. When we put up the tree she was so excited. Every morning when she wakes up, she asks if she can go downstairs and see the Christmas tree.

It brings me back to my childhood. I remember feeling the excitement of driving somewhere and seeing Christmas lights, and quick glimpses of Christmas trees in windows. The smell of newly baked Christmas cookies covered in sprinkles; presents under the tree with big bows and shiny paper. It was almost unbearable to have to wait another day.

I can’t wait to see and hear her on Christmas morning. Marshall won’t know what is going on, but I know he will have fun tearing up wrapping paper and pounding on boxes. Oh, and the food. He will love the food. Family, friends and everything in between. It really doesn't get any better than this.

I am so blessed to have who I have in my life. My family and friends…I couldn’t ask for anything more. That is what is most important after all. The gifts are fun, but they really don’t matter. I think that a lot of people lose sight of that.

So keep that in mind when that lady runs you over with a stroller in the mall. Or when some guy cuts you off in your car. Laugh it off and say to yourself.....I love the holidays. It brings out the best, but also the worst in people.

Happy Holidays everyone!
Peace and Love.....

Monday, December 8, 2008

Limbo land sucks

There are no pictures in this entry. I couldn't find one to go with the theme. And I wouldn't want one to go with the theme. I'm not a negative person, by any means. But something is weighing me down, and I need to get it off of my chest.

I first started noticing the numbness and tingling in my right hand about a month or so ago. My Dr and I came to the conclusion that it was just a simple case of carpal tunnel syndrome. I wish I could be that lucky. For the past month my symptoms have brought me down hard. I am starting to get used to that pins and needles sensation in my fingers and toes. My feet feel like they are ice blocks that weigh 500 lbs! The weakness and pain in my hands and arms are becoming routine. I have started using my middle fingers and pinky fingers instead of my index fingers for the most part now. My neck is constantly stiff and a little sore. My new symptom of the day is my lips and the tip of my tongue are slightly numb. The weirdest part is that it isn't constant. It comes and goes throughout the day. The only constant thing is the loss of sensation and pain in my hands. They are always weak, but sometimes they get weaker.
My whole perception changed that night in the ER when the Dr mentioned two letters to me that could and may change my life completely. MS. This is my limbo right now. The waiting game begins. As all of my other test results slowly come back negative, all that is left is MS. I am still waiting on my Lyme Disease test and my Rheumatoid arthritis test. I never thought I would hope to have one of those diseases. Right now I would rather have one of those instead of MS....I think.
I feel like I am going crazy. Everyday I try to convince myself that all of this is my imagination getting away from me. But then I can't pull a diaper out of a pack, or pulling up Jaylee's pants was almost impossible. But every week something new happens.
One thing is for sure, I still have my babies to take care of. I still have my life to live. We will figure this out, and we will get through this....whatever this is. The hardest part is trying to keep a straight head. I am trying to not think about it too much so that I can be normal and happy. I won't let it bring me down.
So now that I vented, I feel a little better. All I ask from my friends and family is for a little prayer here and there. Good or bad, this will all pass I am sure.
Thanks for listening.
Peace and love.....

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Daddy has a hippo.

Russ has been sick with a really bad head cold. He was sick in bed most of the day on Saturday. Jaylee kept asking where “Russ” was. Yes - she calls us Russ and Kel. Sometimes we are Mommy and Daddy, and sometimes we are Russ and Kel. It is so funny how upset other people get when they hear this. I have had friends say things under their breath about it. I love that she does it. She is just pretending to be one of us. She hears us call each other that, so she does too. It has gone up a notch. Since I have started babysitting a little girl named Riley who calls Russ “Uncle Russ”; now sometimes Daddy is referred to as Uncle Russ by Jaylee. This is really going to start confusing people, who don’t know us very well!

So all day Saturday I kept telling Jaylee that Daddy was sick with a bad head cold. She helped me bring him soup and crackers. At one point she was playing pretend with her Elmo doll. She started telling Elmo that Daddy was really, really sick. Elmo asked what was wrong with him and Jaylee exclaimed that Daddy was sick with a hippo. Headcold, hippo....I can kind of see it. I wish I had it on film. That will always be engraved into my memory. I can still hear her little voice saying it with such sympathy; like he had some incurable hippo disease.

We started putting Marshall in his walker lately. He has totally mastered the whole crawling thing 100%. But he isn’t satisfied with it. He wants to be upright and mobile like his sister. He gets so frustrated when he finally makes it into the same room that Jaylee is in. By the time he gets there and starts playing she leaves. And he gets so mad. The walker makes it so much easier for him to keep up with her. She runs and he runs right behind her in it. Jaylee even hitches a ride on the back and he is so strong that he can take her from room to room.

He isn’t always the most polite driver though. He crashes into your heel with such force that it brings tears to your eyes. The dogs and Jaylee run in terror trying to salvage their feet from being run over. And if you have food, forget it! He rams you over and over until you share.

Marshall and his love of food are amazing to me. He stared at the Thanksgiving spread in such awe. I swear he had a tear in his eye. He tried and liked everything. Even the pickled beets! He was such a mess afterwards.

Lately I have definitely learned the power of living in the “now”. Stop worrying about the future and stop thinking about the past. Stay in the now. That is all that matters. Now is when these little moments happen. That is how children and animals live their lives, and that is why they don’t have a worry in the world. If you start looking at things in a new light you will see that life is good!

Peace and love....

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

When cookie monster attacks, and other adventures….

I may be partial…but I sware that I have some awesome kids! No really…I have a 2 ½ year old daughter who has a better sense of humor than most adults that I know! Anyone who has met Jaylee, can and will probably agree. A day with Jaylee never goes without laughter! She does one of the best slap stick routines that I have ever seen.
This skit that she did started with her putting on a puppet show for me and Marshall. It soon ended with Cookie Monster attacking her. It was one of the funniest things that I have ever seen, aside from the Airplane movies!! What made it funny was that it was totally unexpected. It was all cute and sweet. She was trying so hard to imitate his voice. Then her and Cookie Monster started fighting over something, which ended with him pinning her to the ground. I was in tears. Then she laid there calling for help.

We took Jaylee bowling this weekend. Russ and I used to bowl just about every weekend before we had kids, so we decided to take them. We all had a really fun time! Jaylee pulled a fast one on me.

I called her over to me but she didn’t want to come. She picked up Russ’s phone and pretended to be too busy. That’s my girl. She used the oldest trick in the book. Boy, are we in trouble!

Marshall is her number one fan. He laughs so hard and loud at her comedy routines. He laughs so hard that his eyes water and he can’t catch his breath. That kind of laughter is contagious and it is the best kind. He is most always smiling and laughing.

He has this look in his eyes that I can’t explain. He is going to do good in this world, I can feel it.

It makes me so proud that I have such happy, well adjusted, humor loving children. It makes me so happy that they can see the joy and humor in life. People get so caught up in their stressful lives that they forget how to be happy.
What you put out in the world is returned to you. If you put out positive things into the world, positive things happen to you. If you put out negativity, bad things happen to you. It is so simple. Even if things are going wrong, and you are having a crappy day….there is a reason for that. If you can find the positive in the worse of situations then you are good to go!
I am instilling this in my children. And I hope that they make the best of it. Life is what you make it. It’s not what you have or don’t have. It’s not who you have or don’t have. It is how you see the world around you. It is how you deal with the world around you. Everyone has the power to be happy and to enjoy life to the fullest.

Laughter really is the best medicine. It’s so boring to be serious anyways.
Peace and love....

Saturday, November 8, 2008

It is what it is.....

I can’t even believe that it is November already. Halloween has come and gone. Everyday seems to come and go faster than the last. It seems just like yesterday that I was 12 and bringing home a stray cat. Secretly feeding it and nursing it back to health. Plotting on how I was going to convince my parents to keep it.

I still do that. Russ doesn’t allow me to foster animals anymore. They definitely find a permanent home, with us. I did successfully nurse a dog with a broken pelvis back to health, and find a home for her. So I can’t say that I have kept them all!

But 4 cats, 3 dogs, a husband and 2 kids later… has become a little tight. Before we had kids I didn’t care about the hair everywhere. I didn’t care about the muddy paws and how someone is always throwing up somewhere it seems like.

I didn’t care how our house always seemed like a mad house. Cats wrestling and dogs rough housing. Dogs sleeping on the couch. And our cats scratching up the wall. I really didn’t care. They were my babies and they could do no wrong.

But then the human babies came. I got so preoccupied with my little humans, that my first born, furry babies got the back burner. I started stressing about the dog hair. “How horrible it would be if the baby got one dog hair on her.” I started stressing about the muddy paw prints. And I was so tired, that I didn’t want to play ball as much anymore.

I lost myself. I couldn’t figure out how to balance it. I started worrying about what people thought. I don’t know why. It is a lot of work, but I do keep up with keeping things somewhat hair free. But when did a little dog hair kill someone? So what if I have to sweep and vacuum multiple times a day. Or so what if I don't sweep and vacuum multiple times a day. It is so worth it.

So now…I am going to take a step back. I am going to let the dogs back on the couch….well they have been back on the couch for a while now actually. If someone doesn’t like animals or animal hair then maybe they shouldn’t come over to my house.

I can’t imagine my life without animals. They don’t judge you. They don’t hold grudges against you. They always greet you with a wagging tail. They love you no matter what. They take it like it is. They don’t expect too much or too little. And most importantly they live life in the moment. They don’t worry about the past or the future. And they are downright hilarious!

Children are kind of like this too. And I think we all need to live like this. Who cares what other people think. So what if my neighbors think that I am the crazy cat and dog lady. Maybe I am….who cares. All I know, is that I couldn’t imagine my life without these human and furry creatures in my life.

This is who I am. This is who I have been since I was a little girl. Everyone has their thing. Everyone has something that they are known for. And this is mine. I need to stop fighting it, and I need to own it. I think that people spend way too much time trying to be someone that they are not. They try so hard to impress other people. They try so hard to be perfect in every way that they lose themselves.

So this is it. A new day. A new thought process. I am going to let it go. Well, not too much. I am going to stop caring what people think so much. This is me. Take it or leave it. I love my humans, dogs, cats and husband. They make me crazy sometimes. But that’s what makes life interesting right?

We all need to let the little things go. But also learn to love the little things. Keep love in your heart. Love all creatures (human and non-human). Be kind to one another. But also at the same time stand up for yourselves when someone isn’t being so kind to you. You can only try so much. Sometimes it is just time to move on. If someone doesn’t except you for you…then be done with it.

It is what it is. And I am what I am. Yes, my children have taken the number one spot, but animals and Russ take a close second. No, really I love my Russ more than my animals….really I do. I love you Russ….: )

Peace and love....

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Pumpkins and flip flops.....

Where would you rather be?

We know fall is in full swing when the time comes for our yearly trip to the pumpkin patch. We were so lucky to actually have a really nice sunny day. It was so strange to think that last year at this time, Marshall was in my belly. Now he is here joining in on our little family tradition.

Fall. Fall is so pretty. The leaves changing color. The brisk coldness in the air. Rainy, windy days. Pumpkins and apples. Hay rides and apple cider. I hate apple cider actually….Isn’t that weird? I have never, ever liked the stuff.

Browns, greens, reds and oranges. Jeans and corduroy pants.
Fleece jackets and long sleeve t-shirts.

I do love the fall, don't get me wrong. But my mind and body want to be somewhere else.... Palm trees and sandy beaches. The smell of salt water and sun block. Warm weather and sunny days. Flip flops and shorts. Ocean salt water and boats. Dolphins and sea birds. That’s where I would rather be.

That’s what we get for going to Florida so late in the season. Just when we were prepared that summer was over, we go to Florida. It made us think that summer was just beginning. And now it is getting cold. And windy. I don’t want to give up my flip flops….and I don’t think that they want to give me up either. It will be a hard good bye to put them way back in the closet. I don’t think that I am ready. Maybe I will leave them out where I can see them. A reminder that the warm, hot weather that I have grown to love will be back soon enough…….

Peace and love..


Jaylee had her first epiphany today. She stumbled upon a rubber ducky necklace that was from her second birthday party. It sparked a memory. She said “This from my party with all the balloons..” I was impressed that she remembered, that was like, 7 months ago! I thought it was pretty neat that she is not only having long term memories, but she is talking about them. I reminded her that was from her birthday party. That’s when it happened! Her eyes got big….and at that moment she realized at 2 ½ years of age that time slips away never to be recovered. She dropped her head, her arms and hands limp to her sides. “Oh no my birthday is all gone, never gonna get it back now. What we gonna do?” She was nearing panic mode. What is this child going to do when she turns 3o! I tried to explain the concept of the past and future....finally I just said "Yes that birthday has come and gone...but there will be many more birthdays to come" And that made it all better....if only it was that easy for all of us.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

It's all good.....

"Some people are so afraid to die that they never begin to live."-Henry Vandyke (1852-1933)

Life is good. That is my new motto. We are so blessed; we get to travel a lot. Even our little ones like the excitement of going somewhere new.

Between my husband and me we have family strewn from New York to Florida. We even have family in California and Germany. That gives us plenty of excuses to travel.
And plenty of places to go someday!

Love and treasure your family............

Why can’t everyday feel like a vacation? I think it could if you learned to look at things in a different light. Why is it so hard for people to find silliness in everyday situations? What is life without silliness? My husband and I are both silly, and so are our kids. Life is no
fun without humor!

It is so easy to take things for granted. What seems simple enough
to me is not for a little one. The morning we were getting ready to leave for Florida I was getting Jaylee dressed, and she was running around like a crazy woman saying, “You can’t catch me…” I stated that we have to hurry; we don’t want to be late and miss our flight. She looked at me in all seriousness and said “No Mommy. We can’t go bye bye. We have to wait for the airoplane to come and get us.” She thought in her little mind that that huge airliner was going to fly and land in our front yard and pick us up. It seems ridiculous, but think about it. Why wouldn’t she think that?

We rush through our lives worrying and hurrying. If we learn to take a deep breath and live in the moment we could learn to see the little things. We could learn to enjoy the moment instead of rushing through it.


We all know the person who won’t go on a boat ride because they don’t want to get windblown. I was that person. I stopped those thoughts and now I enjoy the wind in my face on the boat ride. You can’t enjoy the moment when you are so self absorbed. Those moments add up, and before you know it you will regret not living those moments to the fullest.

Sometimes an opportunity comes your way. Your first thought is to jump on that opportunity. But then that naggy little voice starts in your mind. The “what if” voice. Sometimes you need to take a chance. It might not work out, but what if it does? You never know unless you try.

Life is too short. I plan on seeing and doing everything that I possibly can. I plan on moving around a little here and there, until I find my permanent place….wherever that may be. Why not. Why settle for something or someplace that you aren’t 100% happy with? Think about all of the places you could see. And all of the people you could meet. Think of your life as an adventure. I want to teach my children to make the most out of this life, to make the most of their life. I don’t want them to be afraid to try something new. I want them to be comfortable with change.

Life is good. Life is fun. Life is hard. But life is short. You are in charge of your happiness. You are in control of your dreams. Nothing is impossible and everything is possible. Learn to smile. Learn to feel happiness. And take a step away from everything negative. Don’t let anyone step on your dreams. And live your life to the fullest.

What matters is how you live today .

"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.We are spiritual beings having a human experience."-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (1881-1955)

Peace and Love

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Crawl Baby Crawl

Life lessons from a baby

The day started like any other. Jaylee again snuck into our bed in the middle of the night. She is so sneaky, she doesn't even wake us up. She wedges herself in between us and that's that. I really don't mind it. It's not every night, a few times a week. And I think it is kind of sweet. It's nice waking up and seeing her there.

After breakfast Jaylee and I played with Marshall on his bedroom floor. Jaylee was crawling around showing him how to crawl....and he assumed the position!
He realized what he just did, and he got so excited. I love that sweet baby squeal that he does.

And then he tried AGAIN. Only this time he brought one knee up, like he was going to take off....but then collapsed flat to the floor again! He sighed.

Time is going by so fast. It seems like yesterday that he was
a newborn baby. And it seems like yesterday that Jaylee was
a tiny little newborn. She is walking and talking. Talking in
sentences. She is so independent. And before I know it, so will

This little boy has been the light at the end of my tunnel
over the past few months. People aren't always as they
seem. And I have learned that you can't depend on others
to give you happiness. It is all up to you.

We all make a conscious decision. When something stressful
is happening in our lives there is a moment where we decide what to do with it. Are we going to handle this in a negative way, or in a positive way?

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within."~ Elizabeth Kubler-Ross ~

I guess the moral to the story is, life is too short. No matter what is going on in your life good or bad, act in kindness. Put on a smile and happiness will find you.

Look at life the way a child does. Look at everything carefully and notice the beauty in everything, you too will be amazed. You will start to notice things that you didn't notice before. Slow down and take things in. You will notice a spark of happiness deep inside of yourself. A spark of happiness and love that you would have missed if you didn't slow down.

No matter how dark things become, find the good in it. Because everything happens for a reason. Trust that and know that and you will start to live your life in a different light.

Peace and love....