Monday, November 30, 2009

When life throws you lemons, make lemonade!

I have a lot to be thankful for this year. I haven't blogged in a really long time. It's been a really tough year for me, and I guess it affected me more than what I thought.

I have had some health problems over the past year. I've been examined, poked and tested by doctors who still can't tell me what is wrong. All they know is that I have some sort of auto immune disease, but they can't say for sure which one.

My Grandmother died of cancer this summer. When I first found out that she only had 6 months to live, it was so strange. I remember going home to visit her around that time and I didn't know how to act or what to say at first. What do you say to someone you love when they know that they only have 6 months to live. I live 6 hours away from home, so I would go up there every 3 weeks or so to visit while she was sick. Every time she was weaker and weaker. It was so hard. It was a blessing to know we only had limited time with her. Things were said and talked about, that wouldn't have been said if we didn't know she was dying. They were things that we both knew in our hearts, but were never spoken out loud before. Life is forever changed without her here.

Don't get me wrong, things have been hard, but some really wonderful things have happened

Marshall is walking and talking now. He is such a shy, sweet little boy. He is also the typical boy who likes to beat on things and play in the dirt.

He has this smile that warms my heart. And a belly laugh that is contagious.

He loves to dance to the sound of music, and he bobs his head to the beat.
He refers to all birds as "quack quacks". I love it!

And then there is Jaylee. She is so smart and observant. She needs to know how things work in detail, and always asks questions. She actually asked me today where she was before she "got into" my belly. I told her that she came from heaven, that she was a gift from the angels.

She is a free spirit. She is beautiful and kind. She looks out for her brother and worries about him. But she also partakes in teasing him and pushing him to his limits.

Marshall is like Jaylee's little sidekick. I love this picture of them. Jaylee was trying on her life jacket swimsuit for the first time. She put on her sunglasses and stated that she was an astronaut. She looked like a preschooler super hero with her diaper wearing sidekick by her side.

Russ and I got an opportunity of a lifetime. We purchased an independent, compounding pharmacy. It was his lifetime dream, and it came true for him. I went from being a full time stay at home mommy, to a part time working mommy. I work a few days a week managing our store. Something that I never thought I could do. We have our own family business, and the kids have become store mascots. I felt so guilty leaving them, until I saw how much they were thriving and loving it.

Without Russ and these beautiful kids in my life, I don't know where I would be right now. I couldn't have handled all of this without them in my life. I am so blessed and thankful to have wonderful family and friends in my life right now. I have a strong support system and I am so grateful.

The kids keep me going. I am determined not to let the physical pain and weakness bring me down. It will only make me stronger. It's only another challenge to keep me on my toes.

M.S. or no M.S. things will be ok. Whatever is going on with me, will get better. I can deal with the pain, numbness, tingling, the double vision, the seconds that my vision goes black, and the days where my hands don't work right. Things could always be worse. I have learned that when my body isn't holding up well, that I have to rest. The laundry can wait. If I give my body a day of rest then it works a lot better the next day. There are times when you have to put yourself first.

Life is a test and things are thrown at you that aren't fun. If you manage to see the positive in everything, even when things are hard then you are passing the test. Even through the grey areas good things always seem to find us.

Good and bad I am thankful for everything. Everything happens for a reason. If I can get through this, I can do anything.

Peace and love......

Sunday, March 15, 2009


I think that Marilyn Monroe said it best when she said this quote……“I believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” I can give you the perfect example. My little Marshall turned a year old exactly one month from today.

In between Jaylee and Marshall we were pregnant with another child. Two years ago, the day before Valentine’s Day, we found out that we lost our baby to a miscarriage. I never thought that I would ever see Valentine’s Day the same again ever. I knew that it would always be a constant
reminder of what happened.

Then we had ourselves…..a little miracle. Three months later we got pregnant again. Our little (well not so little) Marshall Thomas was born the day after Valentine’s Day. He was born almost exactly 1 year after we lost our baby. He was born on his due date at 12:13 a.m. If he came 13 minutes earlier he would have been born on Valentine’s Day. That is our miracle.

Isn’t that so amazing? Now we associate Valentine’s Day with his birthday. Don’t get me wrong, we will always think about the baby that we lost. And we will never forget what happened. But it puts it into a whole different light.

The thought occurred to me the other day, like it often does, that my kids are not going to be this age forever. I sometimes hug Marshall so tight and ask him to stay this age forever. It makes me feel so happy to see both of my kids changing and developing with each and every step. But the feeling is bitter sweet. I know that before I know it they will be off on their own starting their own lives. I know that will be great too, but it just seems so strange to me.

So this is our own personal little miracle.

Peace and love......

Monday, February 9, 2009

A trip to the dentist and other adventures…

She was armed with an elmo bucket full of bouncy balls. I walked down the stairs, swiffer in hand, minding my own business. She came out of nowhere yelling, “You will never win monster!” She warned me, but I didn’t listen. I chuckled and began to swiffer the floor, not knowing how serious she really was. I then became showered in an ammunition of bouncy balls.

True story. That really happened. It was one of the moments that I love and will never forget. Just like when Jaylee pushed Marshall’s highchair up to the back door to show him the outside. Then they played peek a boo through the curtain.

Today was Jaylee’s first trip to the dentist. She was an angel. She watched me get my teeth cleaned. When it was her turn she hopped right into the chair no problem! She opened her mouth all wide and said “Ahhhhhhhh”. She didn’t shed a tear. She looked like a little girl in that chair. I realized that she isn’t my baby anymore. She is almost 3 years old, and it has gone by so fast.

I tell you what I couldn’t imagine my life without these kids. They are so stinkin’ cute and so hilarious. Yes it is hard, and yes I am so tired. But I have never been happier. Without my little family, I don’t think I could have made it through these challenging times. Life is hard, but life is so so good.

Peace and love......

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Remember to be nice......

There is nothing better than New York snow. Jaylee sure got a white Christmas that’s for sure. She loved it. She was asleep in the truck on the long 6 hour drive from West Virginia to New York. When she fell asleep the ground was brown outside. When she woke up, the ground was covered in a white blanket of fluffy, cold snow. Her eyes were huge. It was like she saw something magical happen. Even Woody our dog couldn’t wait to get outside and play in it.

Marshall even seemed excited about the snow. When it was snowing out he would open his mouth and try to catch snowflakes. He seemed to like the cold on his face.

I can’t believe that Marshall is going to be a year old already next month. He is pulling himself up on his feet. He’s traveling across furniture and walls. He looks up at you with this look and you can tell that he is proud of himself.

I think ahead to the future. What will Jaylee and Marshall be like as teenagers? I picture Jaylee storming up the stairs and slamming her door. Sassing back and never getting off of the phone. I picture Marshall listening to his headphones too loud. Coming home past his curfew and not finishing his homework.

What will they be like as adults? I can feel in my heart that they are going to do good things in this life. But I guess every mother likes to think that right? I look at them and I can already see that they are pretty cool people. I hope that we can instill good things in them. There are so many people on this planet that are just, not nice.

Lately it seems, in my experience anyways, that there are a lot of people in this world that are so unhappy that they want to make everyone around them unhappy as well. Why? What happened to being kind? Over the past few months I have had a little bit of bad luck with people. I couldn’t figure out why. But now I think I figured it out. I think that was the universes way of validating something for me. I now know how important it is to instill good values in my children.

Don’t get me wrong. I have lost friends. I have met people who have been terribly unfair and unkind to me. But I have gained a lot more. Because of these things, I have gained new friends. I saw how much the family and friends that I already have really do care about me. Everything happens for a reason and that has been proven to me over the past month or so.

So I guess the moral of the story is….
Just be nice.

Peace and love.